29 weeks 6 days

I can’t believe I’m in the third trimester… and week 30 tomorrow.

I have gained about 30 pounds. I have loved watching my tummy grow. I really enjoy wearing maternity clothes. I actually feel better about my body and more comfortable wearing clothes than I did before I was pregnant. I totally feel the changing effects of the third trimester. In the last few weeks I suddenly noticed stretch marks on my lower tummy which weren’t there before. I can’t really bend down anymore… so when I drop something it’s basically “fuck it” or hope someone can help me. Sleeping is a mess. Constantly being interrupted by having to pee or turn over. I can’t sleep on my back at all anymore as per doctors orders, but recently I find it hard to breathe when I’m on my back anyway. Sleeping on my sides is definitely taking a toll on my body. My side legs hurt, my hips are effected, my arms fall asleep. I have built a fort around me out of all the good pillows we have. I have been using Breathe Right Strips because I can’t breathe! My nose is so swollen (and has been most of pregnancy). When I first put on the Breathe Right Strip my whole world change. I do snore still, but not as bad. My poor husband. Last week my ankles began to swell. I’m trying to take it easy, keep them up as much as possible. I haven’t been walking as much anymore – totally disappointed in myself. I have been trying my best to eat balanced clean meals. I crave donuts. and other things at random.I am still taking Diclectin. When I tried to cut back even more, it ruined my day. I can’t sit on my couch anymore without propping up tones of pillows to support my back. Lots of back pain. My hubby gives me constant massages. Getting in and out of my car or the bed has proven extra difficult. Even getting out of my shower can be tricky. I had a bladder infection that I didn’t have symptoms for – but that is gone now. Still starving constantly. I have random pains – I think I am experiencing a lot of trapped gas. All OB appointments have gone smoothly. It’s so beautiful to hear the babies heart beat! AND finally I am feeling him move regularly. I’m not sure if I have discovered a pattern yet, but he tends to move more at night. I even caught some movement on camera. There was a two day period a few weeks ago where I hardly felt him and freaked out, but all is well. We have started to prep baby stuff – lots of purchases and made a registry. I feel better about being more prepared. The chance of his survival is greater now and I know in my mind that if something were to happen that one day we will have a baby no matter what… or we can donate the items. We aren’t going to have any party for the baby until after he is born. I can’t wait. I mean, although there is a lot of discomfort I am absolutely in love with being pregnant and having him in my tummy and carrying him with me everywhere and feeling him move. But I can’t wait until he is born. I have been having some sad feelings about it not just being my husband and I anymore – I really want to enjoy all the time we have left “alone” and do some things/go on certain dates that we probably won’t be able to go on for a while after birth.

I guess that’s all for now. All is good, really. I’m trying to enjoy every moment as best I can without worrying about what could happen. And my husband has been incredible. Just incredible. I feel so lucky to have him.

20 weeks 4 days

At first, this pregnancy went by extremely slow. Reflecting on it – it was just horrible for about 4 months. I don’t think I have ever experienced such consistent pain and uncomfortableness. As soon as I hit about 4 1/2 months, I started to feel relief more than before. It was so refreshing. I was a new person. It was a whole new world! I cut back a bit on my anti-nausea drugs, I was beginning to eat a variety of foods including INCLUDING vegetables, and feeling less sleepy and more energized. Wow. What a difference. It’s been up hill since then, even with some vomiting and nausousness.

We felt the baby at around 19 ish weeks – well – I couldn’t feel him at all inside, but we could feel him outside. Putting our hands on my tummy and there was clear movement, like rolling, inside. I found out my placenta is in a place which will make it harder for me to feel anything inside for quite some time, but normal to feel the movements if you put my hand on my stomach. There are days where we feel him more, and it’s funny because my husband can feel him almost all the time even when I can’t.

The anxiety of “is he moving? is he alive” creeps up often. We had our 18-20 week ultrasound and OB appointment – everything looks totally normal and we are now a low risk pregnancy. We also had a 15 minute 3D ultrasound which was insanely cool!

My appetite seems to be very strong, and I have been eating a greater variety of foods. I still have random cravings- especially when I see someone eating something – and a few aversions (like bananas). I have been craving a lot of fried or typically more unhealthy foods that I would never have wanted before. I don’t always give into them, but sometimes I do. I had a bit of a high sugar in my urine scare, but everything is normal now. I have gained about 20 pounds already – which my doctor isn’t commenting as negative, but it seems that it’s a bit overkill compared to the “normal” weight gain at this time. I cramped/ligament stretching pain since day one. I still feel it but it isn’t all the time. My breasts are enormous! I already grew out of my first maternity bra. It’s amazing watching them change, too. I may be having a bit of “pregnancy brain” and forgetting things at the tip of my tongue suddenly. My stomach seems HUGE to me! I constantly look at other people’s tummy’s on Instagram to compare. It’s amazing to see the wide range of tummy sizes at every stage. I feel confident and thrilled about my baby bump. I hadn’t really shown it off until recently and now I can’t wait to buy more maternity clothing.

I guess that’s all! Next doctors appointment is in 2 weeks.

14 weeks 3 days

I’m not sure how to start this post. First, I wish I had had the ability to keep up with this blog since my last post.

August was pure torture. I told my husband that I don’t want to get pregnant again, next baby can be adopted. I was in such severe discomfort. It was worse than the worse sickness I’ve ever experienced. Worse than mono. Worse than the flu. Worse than other health ordeals I’ve been through.

By the end of August we had our second ultrasound. It was a beautiful sight, yet my body was in such discomfort and nausea that it was hard to manage. My husband and I become so thrilled though. Is this even real!

I began working more –  I didn’t know how I would do it. My husband made me a care package with crackers and ginger ale and all the things needed to comfort me. It was extremely hard at first. Talking to people, trying to avoid people, trying not to puke or gag, trying to accomplish work even though I was extremely fatigued. I made it though. I don’t even know how I did it. It was perfect timing, really. If I had to of gone to work even a week earlier I wouldn’t have made it.

Work continues to go well. I was nervous about smells and sights and peeing, but I’ve only had one moment of gagging at work.  I am constantly nauseous though, it’s just more manageable.

My most gagging takes place at home, especially in or near the kitchen. And then 100% of the time when I am trying to floss or brush my teeth. That has been my biggest challenge and one of my big concerns. It’s so vital to take care of your teeth while pregnant, and I’m having a ridiculous time trying to do it. The only times I have actually puked was while brushing my teeth.

I stopped Endometrin at 12 weeks. I chose to ease off of it – 3 pills to 2 pills to 1 pill – because of the risk of increased anxiety. I am still taking anti-nausea meds.

I am happy to say my appetite has increased. I still have aversions and cravings but I am eating probably all the calories I am supposed to consume in a day. I wish I could make better choices, but vegetables have been almost nil in my diet and I’m still eating very starchy items. I’ve also been craving some chips and sweets, which is not generally something I eat regularly.

We had a bunch of blood tests done to see if there were any abnormalities in the baby. Everything looks fine – and wow the relief is unreal. And we had our third ultrasound where we got to see the baby and it actually looked like a mini human this time. We got to hear the heart beat and you can bet there were tears and total awe. We also found out the gender through the blood tests. It didn’t matter for one second what it was going to be, but we were so curious. We are thrilled.

I am huge. I feel like I look at least 5 months pregnant. I have gained about 4 pounds, but my waste expands about 1/2 inch every week. I’ve been hiding my pregnancy from work and it has been very hard. I finally told my boss and 2 co workers. But wearing baggy clothes and maternity clothes every day and trying to avoid and hide has got to stop.

I have some pee tests to do… next ultrasound will happen in a few weeks. I’m so looking forward to that. I just hope and wish and hope and worry that everything will continue to be okay. I don’t want to buy one baby item until I know this beautiful thing growing and living in me is viable. We toured our hospital as well, and we feel comfortable with it.

I’m waiting patiently for some kicks 🙂

I have round ligament pain and other pains all the time. I sleep on one side and then the other, rolling back and forth sticking pillow around me and between my legs. I pee constantly at night. I dream multiple dreams all the time.

I had my first prenatal massage, it was just okay.

I want to start working out, even just walking, every day. I know how important it is. I need to do it. Sometimes I do stretching. I haven’t kept up with what I wanted to do. I think the napping is getting in the way 🙂

The worry in between doctor visits isn’t so bad. I do worry that something has happened… but I am trying to play this positive and also I have an open mind and open mind to accept what I can not control. Trying to.

8 weeks 1 day

Some days are better than others.

Some days it’s so bad I don’t even know how to handle it. I continue to spend my time on the couch or in my bed. Sleeping. Nibbling. Reminding myself to shower. I watch t.v. but a lot of shows make my nausea worse. My napping is out of control. Some days it’s still so bad that I can’t talk. I tried to venture into a grocery store but that was terrible. Then I’ll have days that give me so much relief I stay up late just to hold on to the feeling of not being so extremely nauseous. Even on those days, my husband tells me I look like I am so sick.

I’m just not really myself anymore. This alien has taken over.

Sleeps were good – woke up to pee 2+ times. But lately I’ve been struggling more. It’s hard to get comfortable, hard to breathe, noises distract me.

Some days I’m motivated to accomplish things (yay!) and some days there’s no way.

I have another doctor appointment tomorrow and ultrasound Friday.

This process is amazing. Our bodies are so bizarre.

 

7 weeks exactly?

Let me just say that pregnancy is not at all what I expected. I mean, the first few weeks were wonderful really. Even with all my symptoms – fully manageable and in love with it all.

Pregnancy has turned to torturous nausea to the point where I just can not speak. I’m on Endometrin and anti-nausea meds which added to normal pregnancy are making me nap extremely regularly, sometimes I’m sleeping almost all day and all night.

I can’t go anywhere. I am having serious trouble eating. Maybe I get in crackers. Toast with butter. Someone suggested popsicles. I’ve had some random other food based on pop up cravings, no vegetables, few fruits, it’s been dull.

I’m nauseous because I am. Then I get even worse because my body is hungry. Not eating makes it worse. Eating makes it worse. But sometimes better. It’s been intense. I’ve been in touch with my doctor all week – assessing and re assessing the situation.

It is the first time on this whole journey – my whole life long journey of yearning to be pregnant- that I wonder what the fuck I’m getting myself into. And it’s not like oh I just have the worst flu ever and it’ll get better – no. This is going to morph and change into other symptoms for 9 months followed by caring for a human and hopefully breastfeeding. I mean – don’t get me wrong – THIS IS WHAT I WANT! but I’m for the first time having anxiety about it all. Panic? Only in the moments where I can think about something else other than being nauseous.

Dreams are rapid. And on a TMI level I have been having 0 intentional orgasms because of the major cramping I feel after. Well I’ve also been having what I’ll call the female version of a wet dream. This week it happened three nights in a row. And I cramp after. In my sleep.

On a nice note- we had our first ultrasound. Everything looks like a perfectly normal pregnancy. Fuck yea. I was so nauseous heading to the full bladder ultrasound I didn’t know if I would be able to follow through with it. Small bites of mint gum helped. Heart beat is great, baby measures 1 day behind my prediction, all looks good. Next ultrasound will be in two weeks. Oh and there is only 1 in there.

My husband has been superman. Literally just the most incredible person in the world. I couldn’t have asked for more. He is cleaning everything, helping me with everything, getting or buying anything I need, keeping me company all day long. And he’s doing all of this with nothing in return. We don’t even cuddle. I can’t even be near someone. I’m not myself in all of this. I wish I could repay him and thank him in a way he deserves.

SO I haven’t been on here because the idea of even turning on my computer has been puke worthy (although thank goodness I haven’t puked just yet. I chalk that up to the fact that a) I don’t go anywhere b) i’m not in the kitchen c)I’m totally away from all triggers) and so I’m sad to have missed out on being here and also catching up with how you are doing. I am doing my best- I will try again soon. Later today. Tomorrow. I don’t know.

I am just really hoping that all of this regulates in some way so that I can function at work – it’s been eating me alive here thinking about work – how will I manage? I can’t like this. Just trying to take it day by day.

 

6 weeks 3 days

The nausea has been torturous. I literally haven’t moved off my couch, except to pee. I’m wearing the same clothes I put on two nights ago. I need to shower. I was able to eat last night. I needed to get something in my head that I could imagine eating. There is almost nothing I can imagine eating. I started the meds yesterday late afternoon- they will take some time to fully effect me. They will also add so much more fatigue that I’m not allowed to drive for a few days until I feel adjusted. So that’s triple whammy of fatigue- 1) being pregnant and the hormones in general 2) Endometrin fatigue 3) nausea med fatigue. I’m hoping they will help me. They should take away all the nausea. This morning I thought maybe I was better – I may only be slightly better – the nausea is still there. However, I was able to eat a balanced breakfast this morning so that is a huge bonus. And I’m going to eat lunch. The only thing I can imagine eating is grilled cheese with thin slices of tomatoes inside, dipped in Ketchup. Weird. I think I’ll make it triple layer and try to get those calories in. My hubby went to get me whole wheat bread and tomatoes, I’ll use the aged white cheddar I have here. Although I’m thinking yellow cheddar – even the idea of kraft slices (which I never ever have) interests me. So I’ve been watching the Olympics. All day. To the point where they start to repeat. At this point I don’t know how I’ll work. I had to cancel plans yesterday and I’m totally not moving today.

p.s. another symptom I have been experiencing is swollen nose hard to breath. During the day and at night. I’m trying to do sinus massages but it’s not helping much.

Alrighty then – 6 weeks 2 days

So nausea has kicked in full swing all day. It’s been difficult to imagine eating almost anything. Sometimes I can think of one thing that I can imagine eating and I’ll go on a mission to find it. I needed a spicy chicken sandwich with bbq sauce and found one. I needed a fluffy bagel with butter and a soup made from a local restaurant. I went out to get both those things. I had dinner with a friend who doesn’t know I’m pregnant and I browsed the menu before and settled on plain spaghetti (which I was happy with because of the tomato sauce! I am having SO much trouble even thinking about eating vegetables). I had a moment where I was craving the candy Nerds. It went away. I wanted just juicy oranges and had them, now I don’t want them anymore. And it seems like once I eat what I NEED I don’t want it again. Except for the soup. I think I’m going to make a special trip out again to get the soup. Sleep has been just okay. Lots of vivid dreams. When I wake up early morning I’m nauseous and starving and I’ve learned to have food by my bed. I have been keeping Saltines and a Bran bar. I’ll eat some and go back to sleep. But so far today I’ve had only that and it’s already after lunch time. I think I should go get the soup. In general I’m a very balanced clean eater. I adore vegetables and fruit and lean meats and delicious healthy meals made at home. But that seems to be over for now. Now my mission is to consume enough calories to keep me going, no matter if I eat just crackers all day or whatever. I also had a gagging moment when I was trying to put a new garbage bag in the garbage bin. That sucked. But I haven’t puked yet.  I can’t stand the smell of a lot of foods my hubby has been cooking so he has been so kind and even without me asking him, he isn’t making those foods anymore. He is also completely cleaning up any dishes or food items without me asking, knowing how it has been effecting me. In fact, he has been cleaning a lot around the house. I spoke with my doctor who wanted me to call her as soon as I felt nauseous. She has prescribed me anti-nausea meds. I’m weary of taking them but I know so many people, including her, who has taken them while pregnant. I will need to take them in order to function normally. I also bought real ginger beer and ginger ale. it’s nice.

p.s. the heartburn is pretty much daily now. It’s not terrible and one tums usually does the trick.